“You’ve changed” “You’re acting brand new”-I’m sure we’ve all heard these lines once before. If not, then it’s time for a change. Change is often looked upon as a bad thing, but in order to evolve into the person you were meant to be, we have to change. With these changes, you have you realize that not everyone goes through changes at the same time; you have to be willing to leave some people behind. Not to say that your change is better or more advanced than the next person, but it means that everyone’s journey is different and in their own time.
When it comes to friendship; some friendships are only meant to last for certain seasons (Sorry if that hurts, but it’s the truth). In elementary/middle school, everyone is your friend. In High school, your list of friends turns in to a circle of friends. After high school, you leave some friends behind and create new friendships. If you go on to college, you have categories of “childhood friends” and “college friends”. After college, you may have held on to some of you “childhood friends” but they are probably “acquaintances” at this point; minus and select few (meaning 2 and a possible--- as they say in spades). Granted if you go back home and bump into a “childhood friend/acquaintance”, no love is lost, and you may very well pick up where you left off years ago; but a lot happens over the years. Neither one of you are the same person you were in high school. Unless you make a conscious effort to get to know each other as the new people you two have become, you have to accept that you both have changed and things aren’t the same. You may realize that you two no longer have anything in common, or that they may not accept the “new you”; but that’s fine. Like I said, change is good. You have to be true to yourself and accept that the person that you were in your teens is not the same person you are today. That’s worth celebrating. Unfortunately, we all know at least one person who has NOT changed over the years (side eye).
Is it possible to be friends with an ex years later? Is it a good idea to date an ex? In every relationship, whether it ends mutually or with a broken heart, we grow and we learn from each experience. So what happened if you come across an ex-boyfriend years later after the relationship ends? When you see him, you fall back in love: Something about that familiar smell of his cologne, you notice he’s wearing the watch you gave him Christmas, he has a fresh haircut, he gives you that look, and says all the things that you want/need to hear at that moment. In the moment that you two are in each other’s presence, everything is right. You become that same person you were back then. But as soon as you leave and the moment is gone, reality sets in and you remember why you two broke up. You realize that you are no longer that person you were once upon a time. But then you start to wonder if he too has changed (because of course he said he has), and whether you could allow your heart to give him another chance. When considering a friendship or trying to reconnect in a relationship with an ex, you have to consider that neither one of you may be same person you were the last time around. As women, good or bad, we change after each relationship. We are either hardened by it, or we are able to grow and become stronger. It is important to realize and accept that. There may be things that you put up with in the past, which you may not be willing to put up with now. Things you used to like, that you no longer like. You may require more things, that you did not have a need for before. Be true to who you are, and the women you continue to evolve into (we NEVER stop growing). Just accept her, and please don’t apologize for growing into the person that you were meant to be.
Xoxo -Shené V. Owens