Life

…but he’s still not my mine…

situationshipsDays have passed, laughs and giggles have passed, mutual sexual favors have passed, two sided OR maybe one sided feelings have passed, and here we are several months in still wondering, “what are we?”  Have you ever been in a quote “relationship”?  What is a quote “relationship” you ask, well a quote “relationship” is when you’re given your beau all the perks of a boyfriend/ husband yet for all we know you’re just a great friend with benefits to him.  Of course, when he is with you, calling and texting he’s yours but what about when you’re not around, does the world know you’re his?

As I watch reality television and I witness and experience real reality, you will find many women are in quote “relationships” yet uncertain if their beau feels the same. You will find women will spend months and even years in a situationship unsure of where they actually stand in that man’s life.  Now, an easy fix would be to just have the “talk” with the beau and figure this thing out. But I’ve found, some women are even afraid to have the “talk” in fear of hearing the truth, that in fact they are just a friend with benefits.

Are we living in a society where we are so anxious to be in a relationship that we throw morals, values, and even personal satisfaction away just to say we have beau?  If you ever grew up with an older brother or true male friends, you can easily see how they can make one girl feel like #1 but when the “talk” is had, they become mute.  Why is that? Well clearly they just aren’t ready, or perhaps they just aren’t ready for you. Either way, there is always that one woman willing to put up with the situationship when deep down we all know she wants the Prince Charming, Cinderella love story.

Has the stigma of being in your late 20s, early 30s and single oppressed us to the point we will pretend to be happy in our situationship, when we know this is just a waste of time? Has all of the Facebook and Twitter engagement post tormented us to the point we will put up with a half relationship then settle for a non-existent one?

Situationships are great, if both participants agree. However, if you know you want more and deserve more, it’s time to speak up and get what you want.  Reality may hurt but why soothe your ears with lies when your heart knows the truth and truth is, pretty soon you will be asking yourself, “How did it get so late so soon?”- Dr. Seuss

 

XoXo

Tileah Aisha

Finding Your Workplace Zen By: Guest Blogger Shavon C. Evelyn

zen at workI often wonder how Claire Huxtable did it. Loving wife and mother, successful partner in a prestigious law firm, thoroughly involved in her family's lives, generally content and fashionable to boot! She was our superwoman and everywoman all at the same time. Well my dears, I think she was able to do it all because she actually doesn't exist!  She was a character precisely executing a well written, idealized script. Wouldn't it be fantastic if real life came with a script or better yet an "easy" button that helped us work it all out every day?

Well we are not blessed with manuscripts, we are however blessed with the amazing gift of free will! We can, with some thought, carefully crafted conversations, prioritizing and true commitment to our own well being find our personal zen state. We can even make it happen without abandoning our families, careers or grown up responsibilities. 

Jack Welch, the former CEO of General Electric made the very blunt statement that for women climbing the corporate ladder there is “no such thing as work-life balance”. He further stated that “there are work-life choices, you make them and they have consequences” according to a July 2009 article in the Wall Street Journal. Well, I along with many of the women to whom he was presenting at the Society for Human Resource Management’s annual conference beg to differ! What old Jack fails to realize is that it is not only possible, but necessary to find effective ways to not only manage, but minimize stress. It is crucial that we ensure that our connection to our inner selves and loved ones remains stronger than the ties that bind us to our desks. 

Workplace stress can lead to a multitude of psychological, emotional and behavioral signals that can impact your health and well being. The International Stress Management Association identifies some of these symptoms as:    Read more

Smell the Roses : Enjoying the Simple Life

smellFrom childhood people have always asked us, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Time and time again we always have heard the question, and majority of the time we had an answer. From I want to be a doctor, lawyer, and an actress, to the President of the United States, whatever it may be, as children we knew what we wanted to be.   Then you hit your twenties and life goes BOOM! You’re completely confused because the plans for yourself have tremendously changed OR you woke up one day and decided you wanted to do something else. Either way, here we are in our twenties, faced with the new question, “what are you doing in your life?”

Stress and depression may soon start to kick in because we realize time waits for no one and ahead all we see is age thirty. BOOM! We need a career, a house, a family, etc. We need all the possessions society tells us we must have. We get so consumed in what we must have by a certain age we tend to forget all of the positive things that is going on around us. We forget to smell the roses.

After it was brought to my attention that I was not smelling the roses and praising the baby steps, I decided to STOP and MAKE A CHANGE. This was brought to my attention a few years ago and since then I have a new outlook and it is still a work in progress.

Here a few tips to slow down: Read more

The Circle You Keep

the circle you keepAs a child my mother always told me to pay attention to my surroundings when I am out public.  That means pay attention when I cross the streets, look for exit signs if I’m in big arenas, take heed to the people around me if I’m in a crowded area.  The whole point is to pay attention to what’s around me.

As a grown woman this concept of paying attention to my surroundings has a deeper meaning.  It’s more than watching those around you; it’s about who I decide to stay around.  We all heard the old cliché’ “birds of a feather flock together.” I find that to be an accurate statement.  People tend to hang around those they can relate to, people that are on their same level, people that can understand them, and people that share the same interest.  People want to be around like minded individuals and with that come a story of who you are. As the old saying goes, “show me who you hang with I’ll show you who you are.”  Who you hang around with tells a juicy story about who you are.

We all have friends from childhood that are more like relatives. Those are people we consider “ride or dies” they were there before you had what you had and they will be there afterwards.  However, those should also be people that do not bring you down. They may not be on the same level as you and that’s okay, but they also should try to bring you off your level. Who you surround yourself with influences how high you rise. Read more

Workplace Love: Finding Mr. Right in a Co-Worker?

officeRomanceFinding love could all be so simple if we knew exactly where to find it.  Women typically go to bars, gyms, museums, coffee shops, even church in search of Mr. Right.  We are always on the plow searching for Mr. Right, yet we end up finding Mr. Wrong, Mr. Broke, Mr. Married, Mr. Ex Con, Mr. Drug Addict, Mr. Gay on the Low, Mr. Got Too Many Baby Mommas, ugh the list can go on and on. Where art thou Mr. Right?

Monday through Friday we are steadily anticipating for the weekend so we can go out and begin our hunt all over again in search of Mr. Right. But have you ever wondered, “what if Mr. Right was in the office next to you?” “What if Mr. Right shared the cubical across from you?” “What if Mr. Right was someone you’ve seen every day except Saturday and Sunday?” “What if Mr. Right is your co- worker?”

Love in the workplace could lead to awkward situations but on the flip side it could lead to spontaneous consistent fun.  Imagine going to work with your man every day, wouldn’t that be great? You never have to worry about the “baby, I’m working late” message because you know EXACTLY what’s going on. LOL. I am all for finding your Mr. Right in the workplace but there are a few Office Rules that must be discussed before you commit to such a relationship.

Dos and Don’ts of Finding Love in the Workplace: Read more