June 2011

While reading my new book, “Black Woman Redifined: Dispelling Myths and Fulfillment in the Age of Michelle Obama” by Sophia A. Nelson, I came across a very interesting passage. Something that I have often thought myself and even had discussions with my friends.

“Someone once said to me, ‘Sophia, we teach people how to treat us.’ I agree. Unless and until black women in American get tired of living up to only a very low set of expectations and feeding into negative myths and stereotypes, we can stop complaining about the media reporting on our bad behavior.”

I couldn’t agree more on both the statement and the response/explanation. As far as the statement goes, “we teach people how to treat us,” think about how you conduct yourself in the work place. If you present yourself with distinction, respect, professionalism, and poise, you will be treat in such a manner that matches. However, if you are rowdy, late, don’t take your work seriously, and are unprofessional, people will treat you in a way that mirrors your actions as well. The way we conduct ourselves, handle ourselves, and the things we do and do not tolerate sets the tone for how people will interact with you.

With that said, in agreement with Sophia, stop complaining about how media reports us if “we” don’t stop acting in such negative manners. They only show what they see. If we don’t act that way, how are they going to depict us that way? You look at all of these reality T.V. shows, and you see black women loud, fighting, rude, hostile, ect. The list goes on. Of course the shows are going to air those moments, because it’s what sells. If we stop acting like that, they have no choice but to show the side of us that is lacking in T.V. and media today. Pure example: on twitter @TamiRoman (from Basketball Wives) tweeted, “A little disappointed that @vh1 didn’t show the footage w/my charity on show. It was positive & wouldve shown ppl there was more 2me…” Of course they aren’t going to show that. That’s not what boost ratings, but her getting into fights and arguments will. Now I have nothing against her. She’s actually my favorite on the show. However, if she were to maybe woosah a bit before exploding, giving her a more positive look, then yes I am sure VH1 would have shown the footage to help boost her charity as well as her image.

So ladies, please keep in mind how you portray yourself and remember that although you are not every black woman, you are a representation. So lets try and flip the negative notations and turn it into a positive one so that every time we are in the mass media it will be nothing but the best and most positive.

Most of us are still in the stage of life where we are searching for “who we are.” When someone asks you to describe yourself how do you start out? Most of us will begin something like this, “daughter, sister, friend, loyal, loving, blah blah blah. But that’s just what you are, not necessarily WHO you are. Watching the movie “Eat Pray Love” triggered this thought for me. The main character Liz Gilbert, while sitting around a table eating with friends was asked what her word would be to say who she is, she responded with “writer.” She was told that’s what she does, not who she is. She was unable to give an answer then. We can describe everything, everyone, and everyplace in one or two words and you understand totally who or what that is. But can you flip the script and do it for yourself? Finding out who you really are is probably the most difficult task you will try to achieve in your lifetime. Most women don’t find out who they really are until their later years in life. We have so many resources for us to use and opportunities at our fingertips to explore and discover ourselves. Go out and try something new, experience something new, push your boundaries, step out of your comfort zone. And on your path of discovery, don’t allow others to stop you or tell you who they think you should be.

“Often we don’t listen to who we’re meant to be because we’re so busy trying to live out someone else’s ideas. But other people and their opinions hold no power in defining our destiny.” ~Unknown

You ever hear your elders or a random senior say, “your generation is just so lazy. In my day…”

The more I think about it the more I realize they are right. Especially us women of this generation. The women before us have fought for so many rights and privileges that we have now, such as, voting, the ability to work, property rights, the right to use birth control (yes you read that right!), and many others. We take many of these for granted. There are very little things now that we must fight for, and in return we have become a very lazy generation. We all dream of having so much in our lives, but how many of us really push our selves to the limit to get what we desire? How many of us “fight” to reach our goals? We want the world handed to us on a silver platter. This brings us back to an older post, “I am Obsessed.” (If you haven’t read it, I suggest you do.) We need to begin to “taste” our desires, become obsessed, crazed, however you want to describe it, in order to really get what we want. Nothing is going to be handed to us! We have to dream hard, work hard, fight hard, and only then will we get what we desire in life. But first we must get out of this lazy state of mind. Think about the women who came before us and how hard they’ve worked, so we don’t have to struggle like they did. Think of all the girls who will be coming after you and the path you can pave for them.

Pain is necessary, misery is an option…

I was recently on Facebook, and a friend of mine had on his status, “pain is necessary, misery is an option.” At the time I was going through my own issues, and that line really hit home. Pain is necessary, it helps you grow as a person, it teaches you lessons, and at times it lets you know your alive. We all go through painful moments, and in the end we pull through, some taking longer than others. But to allow that pain to turn into misery, is all on you. You don’t have to allow that pain to bring you down and effect your day to day. Drowning yourself in your sorrows does not help the healing process, it just prolongs it. When holding on to your pain you stop your self from growing as a person and living the life you were destined to live.

Never let anyone take your power. Experience, learn, and grown from all the pain your encounter. And from that, you can continue to better yourself and other around you.