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…but he’s still not my mine…

situationshipsDays have passed, laughs and giggles have passed, mutual sexual favors have passed, two sided OR maybe one sided feelings have passed, and here we are several months in still wondering, “what are we?”  Have you ever been in a quote “relationship”?  What is a quote “relationship” you ask, well a quote “relationship” is when you’re given your beau all the perks of a boyfriend/ husband yet for all we know you’re just a great friend with benefits to him.  Of course, when he is with you, calling and texting he’s yours but what about when you’re not around, does the world know you’re his?

As I watch reality television and I witness and experience real reality, you will find many women are in quote “relationships” yet uncertain if their beau feels the same. You will find women will spend months and even years in a situationship unsure of where they actually stand in that man’s life.  Now, an easy fix would be to just have the “talk” with the beau and figure this thing out. But I’ve found, some women are even afraid to have the “talk” in fear of hearing the truth, that in fact they are just a friend with benefits.

Are we living in a society where we are so anxious to be in a relationship that we throw morals, values, and even personal satisfaction away just to say we have beau?  If you ever grew up with an older brother or true male friends, you can easily see how they can make one girl feel like #1 but when the “talk” is had, they become mute.  Why is that? Well clearly they just aren’t ready, or perhaps they just aren’t ready for you. Either way, there is always that one woman willing to put up with the situationship when deep down we all know she wants the Prince Charming, Cinderella love story.

Has the stigma of being in your late 20s, early 30s and single oppressed us to the point we will pretend to be happy in our situationship, when we know this is just a waste of time? Has all of the Facebook and Twitter engagement post tormented us to the point we will put up with a half relationship then settle for a non-existent one?

Situationships are great, if both participants agree. However, if you know you want more and deserve more, it’s time to speak up and get what you want.  Reality may hurt but why soothe your ears with lies when your heart knows the truth and truth is, pretty soon you will be asking yourself, “How did it get so late so soon?”- Dr. Seuss

 

XoXo

Tileah Aisha

Finding Your Workplace Zen By: Guest Blogger Shavon C. Evelyn

zen at workI often wonder how Claire Huxtable did it. Loving wife and mother, successful partner in a prestigious law firm, thoroughly involved in her family's lives, generally content and fashionable to boot! She was our superwoman and everywoman all at the same time. Well my dears, I think she was able to do it all because she actually doesn't exist!  She was a character precisely executing a well written, idealized script. Wouldn't it be fantastic if real life came with a script or better yet an "easy" button that helped us work it all out every day?

Well we are not blessed with manuscripts, we are however blessed with the amazing gift of free will! We can, with some thought, carefully crafted conversations, prioritizing and true commitment to our own well being find our personal zen state. We can even make it happen without abandoning our families, careers or grown up responsibilities. 

Jack Welch, the former CEO of General Electric made the very blunt statement that for women climbing the corporate ladder there is “no such thing as work-life balance”. He further stated that “there are work-life choices, you make them and they have consequences” according to a July 2009 article in the Wall Street Journal. Well, I along with many of the women to whom he was presenting at the Society for Human Resource Management’s annual conference beg to differ! What old Jack fails to realize is that it is not only possible, but necessary to find effective ways to not only manage, but minimize stress. It is crucial that we ensure that our connection to our inner selves and loved ones remains stronger than the ties that bind us to our desks. 

Workplace stress can lead to a multitude of psychological, emotional and behavioral signals that can impact your health and well being. The International Stress Management Association identifies some of these symptoms as:    Read more

Smell the Roses : Enjoying the Simple Life

smellFrom childhood people have always asked us, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Time and time again we always have heard the question, and majority of the time we had an answer. From I want to be a doctor, lawyer, and an actress, to the President of the United States, whatever it may be, as children we knew what we wanted to be.   Then you hit your twenties and life goes BOOM! You’re completely confused because the plans for yourself have tremendously changed OR you woke up one day and decided you wanted to do something else. Either way, here we are in our twenties, faced with the new question, “what are you doing in your life?”

Stress and depression may soon start to kick in because we realize time waits for no one and ahead all we see is age thirty. BOOM! We need a career, a house, a family, etc. We need all the possessions society tells us we must have. We get so consumed in what we must have by a certain age we tend to forget all of the positive things that is going on around us. We forget to smell the roses.

After it was brought to my attention that I was not smelling the roses and praising the baby steps, I decided to STOP and MAKE A CHANGE. This was brought to my attention a few years ago and since then I have a new outlook and it is still a work in progress.

Here a few tips to slow down: Read more

Different Ways to Surf Board

Is the bedroom aspect of your relationship boring? Do you want to spice up your relationship? Have you tried dancing for your mate?  If not, it is time to try something new.  Maybe it's time to get up on it and ride that surf board. Here are a few ways to set the mood and rocket it til it waterfalls:

  1. Set the atmosphere- light some candles and turn your lights down low, and if you’re really feeling frisky, replace that light bulb with a red bulb.  Yes, I said it. Turn on that red light special !
  2. Bra and Panty Check- time to pull out the Fredericks or Vicky Secrets, whichever you prefer and put on that little doll baby night gown.  Or if you’re really in the mood, just some lipstick. ;)
  3. 4 inch Heels- Yes, put on those high fly pumps! A man loves a woman in some heels. You better work
  4. Fresh Fruit- Grab some strawberries, chocolate or caramel sauce, and grapes. Play around with it. Feed your man, let him feed you, and lick it off
  5. Massage oils- Pamper him with a nice body massage. caress his arms, neck, back and where ever you choose. Tingle those areas that sparks nature
  6. Have Fun- Remember this is your night and you are enjoying the moment

Read more

Is being #2 actually better than #1?

being mary janeAccording to Mary Jane, YES!!!

If you watched Being Mary Jane this week you received a quick crash course on how being #2 is not so bad, in fact it’s actually better. *ques side chicks applause* The shade was real in this episode when Mary Jane gave a speech in front of her “wishing and hoping he was my man’s” wife.  If you missed the READ, here it is:

I’ve found that being number 2 gives you all the glory of being near the top without all the pressures of the number one spot. The job of any great number 2 is to figure out what the number 1 is missing. What they refuse to see and what they’re doing wrong. So take your time, learn, be patient, get better. You will get where you’re supposed to be if you do the work.  Remember, if you don’t, somebody else will. Read more

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